Monthly Archives: February 2014

Bleached ARSEn

There are innumerable ways to augment the body in order to achieve a status that is considered alluring. If it were to be numerical, it would be thirty-six. Yes. Thirty-six is a fine number.

The one I am intrigued by is number 10. Anal bleaching.

I am proposing that everyone should have a bleached anus. It is not just for those who suffer from anal retentiveness. I say, let’s put another coat of color on that chocolate starfish. Let’s put some Clear Eyes on that puckered brown eye. Let’s turn that that o-ring into a white halo.

But how you might ask. Perhaps you do not want to schedule an appointment to visit your local cosmetic surgeon, or maybe it’s just not the same when you rub lotion on your own anus. If that be the case, I have the cure.

Toilets.

Now, if you try to tell me you do not poop, then you have no need for anal bleaching. Also, you are missing out on the eighth wonder of the world: deucing. For those of us who do use the facilities normally referred to as the bathroom, then this is for you.

Fill your toilet with bleach. Number one, it is a cleansing agent. Number two (which is what will provide the trigger to this catalyst), it will bleach your anus. In my experience, feeding the porcelain god can backfire. I say let’s use the backfire to gain results. What is this backfiring? It is when you poop, and the water splashing against your arse. For some reason, it never seems to miss the anus. Have you noticed that? They say water has no feeling, but those droplets of water seem to always zero in on the zero. Maybe it makes your stand up and yell, “Whoa! Homie don’t play dat!” Or maybe, for you freaks, you like it. In any case, what if we could turn that experience into a bleaching opportunity? Yes, it will have a burning sensation, but a white asshole comes at a price.

What will such a product be called?

Bleached Arsen

Bleached Arsen – You know it’s working when it burns.

Extra Joke:

How do you know you are an asshole?

When you go to the dentist for a whiter smile and he recommends anal bleaching.