A Cowboy Needs a Horse

Have you ever heard of Big Week?

No, it is not the aerial bombing of the 1940s.

And no, it is not the Biggest Losers counterpart – Smallest Winner.

Where I am from, Big Week is Rodeo week. It is held every year toward the end of July and is supposedly the largest on the west coast.

Cowboy Needs a Horse

Now, I may have redneck tendencies, but I am no cowboy. Disney Sing-A-Long has contrived a list of requirements one has to ascertain to be designated a cowboy. A cowboy needs a horse, a hat, a pair of fancy boots, a set of shiny spurs, and a rope-o-o-o if he wants to be a cowboy. Let me calculate my haul of currently owned items…Carry the two, subtract the W, add pie, pumpkin preferably…Zero. That suggests my attire for such an event is exiguous in comparison to fellow attendees. I end up looking like a Hipster-Wannabe-Cowboy with a plaid shirt, skinny-FIT jeans (there is a difference), and some shoes. Meanwhile, I see men and women dressing to the nines in their western wardrobe. I’ve always wondered, wow, for a country guy (or girl) they sure look spiffy. I’ve wondered how they have kept their clothes so crisp and immaculate. I’ve come to the conclusion it is because they only wear the shit once a year. Now, my town has its fair share of rednecks, but we are more infamously known for our gang affairs. Local law enforcement is just not well versed in managing snapping Broadway gangsters. One would reckon that Jazz Hands 101 be a prerequisite to graduate the Police Academy. Regardless, fact of the matter is this town does not have that many country people. We do have a lot of pretenders. And none are The Great.

I know this to be a fact. I have friends who participate in these rodeo festivities. Friends who are only cowboys for 168 hours. While not the same amount of hours, I liken it to how long it felt when watching James Franco’s movie. It appears to be a lengthy carving of time, but put in perspective with the 8766 hours in a year, it’s rather brief. It does not prevent them from embodying their western clothes and jumping up on that “high horse.” Pun(s) intended. For one week they think they are some badass cowboy. Until I remind them, “You work at Carls Jr., you don’t listen to country music, and you’ve never even ridden a horse. The closest you’ve come to western is selling me a Double Western Bacon Cheeseburger. Now, which window do I pull up to? The second? Why do you have two windows, but only occupy one? I want to know what’s behind window number one.” Okay, I got carried away with that fabricated conversation, but the drift has been got.


There are exceptions to this rule. Women. I do not care if you have never seen the stars above the city glow. If you want to slap on some daisy dukes, roll up your t-shirt, and rock some boots you go right ahead and do so. There are so many cheap jokes here, I’m talking five cent spittoon cigars worth, but I will take the high road, the one that leads off into the sunset. In a car.


About Titillating Thoughts

I am called Kenny. I respond to it. I am twenty-three years of age. This blog will represent my unique way of looking at life. It is to be a collection of thoughts that titillate your brain flaps. I am not always politically correct, but it all comes from a comedic nature. I hope you enjoy my dry and sarcastic humor.

Posted on July 20, 2013, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 13 Comments.

  1. Nice try on the picture, but you cut off the front of the John Deere… shame.

  2. Skeptical Stringer

    love the new layout..and like that you kept the original name =) now what I understand from your post is…you need a cowboy hat, cowboy shirt, cowboy pants…what else did you put on that list? and get on that horse! lol ( make sure those women don’t upstage you )

    • Ha. Thanks. I’m still indecisive, but we shall see.

      The song states that you need a horse, a hat, fancy boots, shiny spurs, and a rope if you want to be a cowboy.

      I don’t know if getting upstaged by women is such a bad thing. Provides for better view?

      • Skeptical Stringer

        I’m shaking my head at the computer again…lol. I would love to visit a rodeo one day. I rode horses professionally for two years; im talking jumping, contests the whole nine yards and it was amazing. Unfortunately, it costs a great deal and the prices only went up. Maybe if i go, I will even see a real cowboy with spurs and all.

      • Perhaps…Perhaps. lol If they got spurs, and they look used, then you found a real cowboy.

        They do not have local rodeos in your town? I use to go to a small town rodeo and watch, but the one that I have in my hometown supposedly brings out the best of the best.

      • Skeptical Stringer

        I live in New York…so I’m guessing I could find one if i looked hard enough. This is my other problem though….I say i’m going to do something and then by the time I get around to it its been weeks, maybe even months. I guess i will just put “go see a rodeo” on my to-do list.

      • Aw. Yeah, New York…You will probably have to drive a bit. Don’t worry; rodeos will be the same in ten years. You’ve got time.

      • Skeptical Stringer

        Now I can rest easy

  3. Skeptical Stringer

    Hey, I nominated you for the versatile blogging award! http://skepticalstringer.wordpress.com/2013/08/01/the-versatile-blogging-award/

  4. Wondering where you have disappeared to? Have you moved and not let me know…

    Miss your wit, hope all is good.

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