The Rules of Disneyland: Rule #2
This is Rule #2 in my Disneyland rules SPECIAL. If you did not read Rule #1, you did not miss much. Just the greatest blog post to ever grace the interwebs; that’s all.
Oh, so you do want to read Rule #1?
Just finger this O and it will lead the way.
For those of us continuing the journey. Proceed.
Now then, from the man who brought you Rule #1 and the hit Hip-Hop single Trying Desperately (#1 single on eTunes in FOUR countries, not yet to exist), the man with no plan, that one guy who writes stuff, he needs no further introDUNKtion (Because I am watching the Finals…Some basketball association. Although, the game will be long over by the time this is posted.)…Drum roll please….The titillating Kenny!
I just introduced myself. I just did that.
2. Do the Disneyland Walk™
Now anyone who has visited this magical kingdom knows of the difficulties that abound when trying to navigate the lands. The way in which to accomplish this task is to perform the Disneyland Walk™. In other words, you do not care what obstacles are in your path, you walk and you do not stop.
The Disneyland Walk™ is an innate subconscious choice. In high school, if you were walking the halls and got shoulder bumped, the dukes would go up. (No, not John Wayne.) In Disneyland it is encouraged. If I get there at eight in the morning and I haven’t disturbed eight lovely couple photos, toppled over a child to get to Goofy first, or scattered a school of, well, a school of schoolgirls by nine, I must still be in the entrance line. You have to put caution to the wind. You walk with no peripheral vision. It is only you and the Matterhorn.
There is one thing you must be somewhat aware of: strollers. Strollers are like the four-wheeled monsters of the amusement park. A bludgeon. Nobody likes them. They slither back and forth with their whiny cargo ready to sideswipe any passersby.
And who’s bright idea was it to let the ten year old push it? There is a reason why ten year olds do not drive in highly congested cities. Does that mean I am advocating for a ten year old to have the right to drive in South Dakota? Sure. I’d be impressed if they hit anything of value out there. You took out the Corn Palace? The Corn Palace? You did the world a favor.
I’m sure everyone has a story or two about being sideswiped by a stroller. Worse yet, the tandem stroller. Now the monster has grown. I don’t even want to know what monster will be revealed when the Octomom uses her hard-earned soft-core porn money to take the children to Disneyland. Get hit by that beast, and there goes your ACL. Stick a fork in ‘em, they’re done.
Or are you? There are always wheelchairs. You can rent one from Disneyland for the price of your first born child. Who do you think they fill those costumes with when it is 100 degrees outside? Don’t worry though. There is always an upside. Here is the chart:
Give up first born –> Get a wheel chair –>Don’t have to wait in long lines.
Let me weigh the options…Whatever is pound for pound the best choice.
The slightly altered rule applies for wheelchairs. They must Disneyland Roll, but the premise is still the same.
So Rule #2…Disneyland Walk™ over Jiminy. There’s no conscience. You follow the Dewey Cox and walk hard. Strollers are inevitable; brace yourself for impact at all times and do the Disneyland Walk™.