The Rules of Disneyland: Rule #1


Disneyland…The happiest place on Earth.

Do I concur with the aforementioned statement? Partially.

My experiences at Disneyland have not been documented to the extent of other interests I have divulged. Yet, do not let that contort your mind into believing that Disneyland is not a legit place to go. While you faithful savants may have your own impression of Disneyland, let me express to you mine. This will be a SPECIAL three part blog. Each blog will contain a rule on Disneyland. If you do not like Disneyland, you may not care for this SPECIAL. Also, I am unsure why I capitalized SPECIAL, but I can’t stop now. I’m no quitter.

Now then, I have broken the Disneyland down to three distinct rules.

There are three rules of Disneyland.

  1. All Six Universal Emotions need to be used. You will come happy; leave angry.

If I had photographer skills other than the capabilities that my iPhone 3GS bestows upon me, I would sit (maybe stand; depending on my mood) outside of Disneyland and take pictures. This would make for a great coffee table book…”The Happiest Faces on Earth.” I would love to capture people on their way in to Disneyland and their way out. When going in, you are fresh and spritely. People are doing little skips down Main Street, not a worry in the world (Well, except for locking up a Fast Pass to Pirates of Caribbean). Now, when people head back down Main Street to leave the park, one might think they stepped on the set of The Walking Dead. If you do not look like a cranky zombie; you are not doing something right (Or you went back and took a mid-day nap. You sly son-of-a-bitch you!). You ever why the characters do not come out at night? It’s because Mickey Mouse doesn’t want to be punched in the face after the realization has set in on some cranky forty-seven year old mother that she just spent $24 dollars on two pretzels. Rule number one implies that every visitor of Disneyland should experience the six universal emotions.

Happiness – “Yay, I’m in Disneyland, this is the start of a wonderful day. Ooh! Look! There’s Pluto! Photo-op!”

Sadness – “Thunder Mountain Railroad is closed down? Wha…I never get to ride this one. *tear* I mean, come on! It’s not like someone died on it.” OR “Where is Jessica Rabbit at? I never seem to find her…*sighs*”

Fear – (Thunder Mountain Railroad opens up. You decide to ride it.) “Holy shit! I think I’m gonna die!”

Disgust – “There is STILL no Aladdin ride? Pitiful.”

Anger – “I HATE STROLLERS!” OR “How the hell do I get out of here?!”


End note: Why don’t they have rides for some of their classic 90s films? Aladdin, Mulan, Hercules, Beauty and the Beast, and flippin’ Lion King.

Aladdin practically writes its own ride.

Check it:

It’d be eye opening. I’m envisioning it taking you wonder by wonder. It would go a variety of directions. Over, sideway, and under. Like…oh, like a magic carpet ride. All, I’m saying is it would be a whole new world.

No, really. Disney should take out that stage they never use in Fantasy Land (Yes, I know my park. What what.) And they should build a giant Cave of Wonders. The ride would be a mini rollercoaster-esque magic carpet ride. I am imagining a mixture between Peter Pan and Indiana Jones. That would be amazing. If you read this Disney, get on it.


About Titillating Thoughts

I am called Kenny. I respond to it. I am twenty-three years of age. This blog will represent my unique way of looking at life. It is to be a collection of thoughts that titillate your brain flaps. I am not always politically correct, but it all comes from a comedic nature. I hope you enjoy my dry and sarcastic humor.

Posted on June 17, 2013, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 15 Comments.

  1. You sir have some great ideas. They could easily probably swap out a ride every few years like how Universal changed the Back to the Future to The Simpsons.

    • I have not been to Universal Studios for a long while, but I like the idea. Trade in the Delorean for a pink sprinkled donut. Now that I review that, it seems much dirtier. And I am okay with that.

      Do they still have the Jurassic Park ride? I always liked that one.

      • I’ve never been to Universal in Florida, but they did have it in California which I guess is the one you would have gone to so this is pointless. They still had the ride. I actually found it very disappointing. The Transformers ride was actually my favorite. I also liked The Simpsons ride because some really skanky drunk girl looked at my shirt and said “Iron Maiden!” and then she sat behind me on the ride while I sat next to a child.

      • Ha. I’ve been to both, but it’s been so long. I just remember as a child that I almost fell out of Jurassic Park ride. Aw. Good times…good times.

        Now, flirting in an amusement park can lead to trouble. I am horrible with age. And the woman of age are either strapped with a boyfriend or husband and children. Like it’s some family place. Pshh. I need to find myself a skanky drunk girl.

    • Oh yeah this particular young lady had 3 guys with her. All of them had lots of tattoos and smelt like beer. It was uncomfortable because I was on the ride by myself like a creep.

      I wouldn’t totally put off amusement park relationships. A friend of mine met a girl at Disney World and they began dating for a few years. Then they really got to know each other and I’m afraid to bring her up to him. This all ended about 4 years ago and I’ve known the guy forever and he never mentions her name. Sometimes I think he made her up because I never met her. What’s this have to do with anything?

      When I went on The Mummy ride the kid next to me was drinking an energy drink the whole ride and he didn’t spill. I was impressed.

  2. Sadly, they do have a Magic Carpet Ride, but it’s really lame. It’s like the Dumbo ride where you just go around in a circle. It’s in Adventureland. I agree that they should have cooler rides though. They just made a new Be Our Guest Restaurant which seems cool. And Gaston’s Tavern or something in New Fanstasyland in Disney World.
    Why do I know so much about this? I hate myself.

    • I think I am vaguely familiar with it. I was just at Disneyland two weeks ago. I know in California Adventures they have the Aladdin play that they put on (Which is good), but I want the Cave of Wonders.

      I am not as keen on my Disney World knowledge. I have only been there once. A restaurant is nice, but does not satisfy the need. I want to ride in a Chip cup and be sung to by a French candle while checking the time on a nervous clock. Next time I go back to Disneyland I want: Something there that wasn’t there before. lol

      • Yeah exactly. They need to me more imaginative. You know what I want? A Monster’s Inc. ride where you ride on all of the doors–that would be so bomb.
        In Disney World they have started to expand Fantasy Land and they’re adding a new roller coaster based off the seven dwarfs mine cars or something. Why do they keep going to the old movies?!

      • They actually have a Monster Inc. ride at California Adventures. It basically progresses through the movie. It is a cute ride. Nothing extraordinary, but fun. Your idea would have been better though.

        Snow White and Seven Dwarfs was the first full pledged Disney film wasn’t it? And that seems like a cool concept, but I agree. I want to see 90s films. The only ride I can think of that is based off a 90s film is Toy Story with the blaster ride. Which is fun.

  3. You are right about the state in which you enter the parks compared to when you leave, I whip around those rides as if it’s a military operation. There is no time to stop, I’m going to get every second’s worth out of that ticket. Personally I think they should keep some of the old school rides, they are the classic movies. Universal switching out BTTF for The Simpsons and Jaws for Harry Potter. Ew, just ew.

    • I think they should poll their rides and find out which ones people believe are the classics, and should keep those. Like at Disneyland, if they took out Space Mountain or the Jungle Cruise to put something else in, then I may take issue with it.

      My Universal Studio knowledge is limited. I cannot attest to the Harry Potter ride being better or worse than Jaws.

  4. If that was a ride, I would totally go on it. I hear Disney are looking for Imagineers…

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