The Elderly Transformation
The old gray mare she aint what she used to be. Many long years ago.
Or maybe she is? I don’t know. It’s a horse. Let me get some Elmer’s for my artwork and let’s be done with it.
I ought to have said old gray people aint what they use to be. Why you may say? Let me count the ways.
- Speed – I have noticed that old people have two speeds. They are either a tortoise or a hare. There is no casual acceleration. The bearing’s in which this occurs most frequently is on the road. There are old people driving 25 MPH in a 50 MPH zone. Yes, I know you may have driven a Model T and are use to the 25-30 MPH speed, but see that number “50” on the speedometer, it’s okay to push your Buick to those blazing speeds. I feel like Flash each time I pass one of them on the road. I have super power abilities!…Dang, it is just an old person. Oh fecal matter! And no I am not talking about your colostomy bag sir. Then there are those old people speedsters. The ones that make me look like a chump for going 80 in a 65 when they are charging forth at 90-plus. These are daredevils. No, not like the blind superhero, more so the risk-taker variety. It could be that, or that they fell asleep at the wheel. Nap-time down the stretch. Or they could be trying to match their speed with their age. Not sure, but they are swift and hazardous.
- Patience – Old people seem to lack patience. I noticed this in my retail experience. They are complacent with counting out their $4.56 worth of pennies, but when it comes to me doing my portion of the work, they will not stand for it. Quite literally, I have had to get chairs before. I have put some thought into it and I cannot fathom why they are so impatient. At eighty-two, where do you have to be? A doctor’s appointment? I know they have limited time, but come on, what else are they actually going to accomplish? Is that blood test the highlight of their day?
- Eye sight – Eye sight fades. Look at me for example, I never had much of it to begin with. So I am sympathetic to their loss. Others do not share my compassionate ways. I have a friend who often thinks old guys are looking at her. A week or two ago we met up and she stated the same case. Two old guys were staring at her. Rightfully so, I bet all guys look at her. Modest in her clothing, but worth a double-take. So why is it that she only notices old guys? It is not because they are perverts. It just takes longer for their eyes to focus. They are not as quick as the young whippersnappers.
Once normal people, they have now transformed into old people, the last stage of life. What are you going to do? It’s the elderly transformation.
Original Facebook Status Update:
You always catch old guys checking out girls. It’s not because they are more perverted, it’s because their eyes need more time to focus. Give a guy a break.
Posted on June 3, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged angry, blog, blogger, Blogging, blogs, Buick, comedy, Driving, elder, elderly, eyes, follow, funny, haha, humor, humour, impatient, Journal, lmao, lol, Model T, old, old people, Personal, Scarlet Johanson, speed, superhero, transformation, upset, witty, women. Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.