Monthly Archives: June 2012

Flagging You Down

We identify ourselves by that which hangs on a pole.

Flags. Not strippers.

These simple things that flap ferociously in the atmospheric conditions that are presented by mother earth; we associate ourselves with its identity.

Once again, flags. Not strippers.

I have seen quite a few flags, the one I do not understand is the Confederate flag.

The Confederate flag represents the Confederacy. You know, those mid-19th century democratic folks who receded from the Union in order to protect their way of life. Well, when put like that, it does not sound half bad. It even sounds patriotic until you realize they are protecting the institution of slavery.

So it befuddles me so when I see someone waving a Confederate flag. Are people aware of the contention that flag contains? It is supporting the southern antebellum lifestyle.

This makes it a little more difficult to argue against the Confederate flag.

No, no, no…Do not get overwrought when I question if you are a racist. You should firmly be aware of the adumbration the flag carries. You may be a supporter of the southern activities of today, and that is fine. You just need to find a flag that recognizes that and not that you are a racist hillbilly.

So because of the Confederate flag wavers, I have placed an order for a swastika flag.

You see how you jumped to the assumption that I was anti-Semitic? By Confederate flag logic, I am just a supporter of Germany. That would not fly with the swastika flag (pun intended) and it should not for the Confederate flag.

I would like to add to this topic that I would love to time travel to the 1860s.

You may not ask me why, but I will tell you anyway.

I would like to go back to 1862 and walk into a Confederate meeting. I would take the stand and announce to them that I was from the future. I would then state that their party, the Democrats, would elect the first “colored” president of the United States. Congratulations.

I am assuming I would have to then pull a John Wilkes Booth and hightail it out of there. Hopefully without breaking my leg, or being shot by a castrated man.

Silence Is Not Golden

I am somnolent, yet my mind refuses to enter a dormant comatose. I am on the verge of forty winks, but if forty is the new thirty then my nap has less value. However, I do not mind such cognitive actions, but my mind is attracted to ideas and concepts that have become obsolete.

This is when silence is not golden. Rather, it does not place at all. I try to drown out my thoughts with musical exertion, but it does not pacify my minds relentless approach to topics that rest in the elephant graveyard. Instead music proceeds to represent itself as an acting accomplice.

This is not efficacious when I commute an average of ninety minutes a day. I once enjoyed this grace period as a chance to decompress myself, but with each passing day I have taken less pleasure in my travels. Things have changed and I choose to dwell on that which does not dwell on me.

It perturbs me to be so vague on my personal blog, but I have yet to kindle enough strength to discuss my personal struggles and triumphs in clarity. I already feel that my expedition into the internet’s social network web is going to be troublesome in later years. My ideas could change, but perhaps some things are better left to my mind’s personal personnel.

Leaving

It has been a hectic couple weeks and looks to continue. I hope to provide you with some solid content as soon as I get a moment. In the meantime, for those who truly care, here is another guitar-song attempt. Enjoyous.

Quite Lovely

My horn is as active as ever and I never get tired of tooting it myself. I know my last blog doted on about my 50-blog celebration, and I thought what better way to follow it up than with further rapturous praise for me?

Now then, let’s begin.

I would prefer to denote my blog as humorous. That is the call of judgment I proclaim.

That may be up for debation.

Yes, I said, er, typed debation. I know it is not an official word by Webster’s standards, but that did not prevent Shakespeare from blabbering forth with mumble-jumbles. The word has power. There is a certain strength behind it. An “umph.” It is erectifying. It is a stiff hard word that you can insert into your daily vocabulary.  And so I use it here. And I may use it elsewhere. That too, is up for debation.

There is one term I can call my blog and know that I am not the only one who concurs with the statement. And that is: my blog is lovely.

I pieced together my own picture for the award. It’s my award afterall.

This past week I was nominated for the One Lovely Blog Award by EndlessEncounters. A long time follow, who I thank for the nomination. Now people will begin ogling over the boggling blogging awards I have toggling on my cyberspace shelving. (I don’t know if that sentence makes sense. Is it is sentsense?  Regardless, we shall roll with thine’s own choice of words once more.)

The rules for this award are like the other two hundred and thirty-seven awards. List forty-six things about yourself and nominate twenty-two other bloggers. Easy enough.

Forty-two things about me:

  1. My top three favorite Disney movies are Aladdin, Lion King, and Hercules.
  2. My favorite video game of all time is Zelda: Ocarina of Time (Nintendo 64).
  3. My favorite animal is the moose.
  4. I wear axe body spray and have received more compliments from it than any expensive cologne I have ever purchased.
  5. I initially grew my beard to impress someone. I liked it, so I kept it.
  6. Someone told me I was white on the outside and black on the inside. So I downed a quart of bleach in hopes of keeping me all one color. Okay. Not true.

….

…. (incoherent text)

….

46.          I mumble.

Nominated Bloggers (I am promoting people I am new to following)

1. 25ToFly – A cool laid back woman. She has a strange infatuation with M&M’s and popcorn, but I can forgive her for such tomfoolery. We also started a long distance band. She is the drummer. We are called: The Inepts.

2. Boomie Bol – A good contributor to the WordPress world. She writes some interesting short stories and poems. She is a dabbler. Worth a look-see-read.

… (mumble mumble)

… (mumble mumble)

22. gorJessWorld – I very recently began following her blog. So far so good. If it is anything like Bobby’s world, I am going to enjoy it.

I apologize to nineteen other people I mumbled over…Wait, who am I kidding? No I don’t.

The Big 5-0

This post is the big 5-0. In the human cycle, it would be subjected the caducity of life. Even if fifty is the new forty, this blog would be predicated as over the hill. Fortunately, this is a blog. Its hilly elevated excursion is only in its infancy. The first fifty can equate to my inaugural speech. Fifty posts may be a smidgen too long for an inaugural speech, but I am taking a page out of President William Henry Harrison’s book. Well, minus the death only a month later. And as the grandson of William Henry Harrison and the twenty-third president of the United States, Benjamin Harrison said, “Great blogs never go out, they go on.” And yes, he said blogs. He was an avant-garde. But enough about old dead white guys.

Before I continue, let’s commence our flashback portion of this post. Yes, it seems every monumental post number requires a flashback. You know, so my new followers can witness my sagacity and my veterans can reminisce in it. Here are four of my favorite posts that received no affection:

Backspaced – An interesting idea about the backspace button.

Taintalizing – Three thoughts. Titillating as always.

In With the Old; Out With the New – Breasts, Ice Cream, and Cheetahs. It’s got it all.

I Hear the Train A’Coming – The double B’s…Bathroom and Bowling.

Now then, I was going to create a video blog to commemorate this day and show my appreciation to those who have supported this blog, but I’m not. I believe that written word holds more power than that which is verbally mentioned. And I am not in a position to create a meaningful video. So here is my thank you speech.

This is going to be difficult. It is hard to thank everyone when I am loved by so many (Hey now, don’t burst my bubble).

The most important honors go to someone special who, without her encouragement, my blog would still be sorted among status updates and 140 character stories. That person is Rachelle. Thanks for supplying me with ideas and assisting me along my path back towards creative writing.

I would also like to thank those who have been avid readers of my blog and contributed towards it in the fashion of comments and likes. If I had a quarter for every comment you have left me I would be able to retire…In like, never. You see, $37.50 worth of comments over a six month span is pitiful. That’s alright, you guys are still a-okay in my book. I say that, but I am now observing you lot of commenter’s and expect improvements. The material I produce is gold fools. Wait, no, it is fool’s gold.  Forget it, let me just begin the thanking.

Thanks to:

Brother Jon  – A Mormon with a great sense of humor. Not that Mormon’s aren’t usually funny; I just needed an opening line. He has been a consistent supporter of my blog for the longest. His blog is equally entertaining and varies on subject matter.

RandomDeviations – She has been MIA for the past month and a half, but I will still give her a shout-out. Maybe she will return to the blogging scene, who knows.

Mooselicker – An awkward cat with outside ideas. I like it. He is not afraid to get smacked upside of the head in a game of playground foursquare because it lets him think outside the box. A solid contributor and reader of my blog.

xoEvelynOrtizHasSpoken – She is my number one commenter to this point. Thanks for reading and seeing the genius I see in me as well. Ha.

NyParrot – A relatively new follower, she is quickly moving up my commenter ranks and has interesting takes of her own.

Those listed above are my top commenter’s. If you do not see yourself on the list, know that you are not, but I hope for you to be soon and I still thank you for taking ten minutes of your time to better yourself by reading my material.

Uh-oh, there goes the music. I think it is time for me to wrap this up.

And what better way to wrap something up, than with a rap. Here is my attempt at rapping with my original content. Now you’ll know why I just write.

Hurt

I am revisiting the guitar. I have never had adequate skills and I want that to change. I consider myself a beginner at this point in time. I hope to improve little by little. My allergy-ridden-self tried to do a short portion of the song titled Hurt. So excuse my nasally approach to a great song. I love it and it is relatable. I couldn’t help myself.

Kom-Bucha-Bucha

On my search for the fountain of youth, I stumbled upon Kombucha. It is commonly referred to as an elixir. Kombucha is a food supplement prepared from a symbiotic colony of yeast and bacteria that is added to tea for its alleged health benefits. Basically it a mushroom soaked in tea. Appealing right?

Now, I am not a fan of mushrooms or tea, but maybe when the two come together the lights will dim and the soft melodic voice of Marvin Gaye singing “Let’s Get It On” will penetrate the mixture. It can’t be all bad, right? I know someone who is a dedicated kombucha drinker and swears by its health advantages. I value this person’s opinion, so I am willing to test this drink. Here goes nothing.

(Apparently it is all about the pomegranate flavor, but I could not find that one so we will be evaluating Gingerberry.)

Alright so my day is almost complete. Here is my experience with Gingerberry Kombucha.

I awoke at 8:00 AM and consumed half of my kombucha drink. It was surprisingly tasty. It has a vinegar odor and taste to it, but it just reminded me of Easter and sunburns. The flavor is similar to that of a weak white wine. I read stories that people often felt a little buzz from the product. I did not receive that kick. My kombucha is the Enlightened variety. I think I need to bump it up and get the 21+ version because I am missing out.

When I left to work at 9:00 AM I felt a little energy serge, but I believe I fell victim to the placebo effect. Nonetheless my stomach did not begin its morning growling ritual at 11:00 AM, which was a definite plus. I had lunch at 12:30 PM and I devoured the second half of the kombucha. I was a little hesitant to drink the bottom portion because that is where the “culture” is found. I’ll hate all day on this culture. It’s the chunky stuff at the bottom of the kombucha. I set aside my hesitancy and drank the rest. The second half of my workday went by smoothly. I did not suffer from that downward spike that lunch usually produces. I left work with plenty of energy and a Broken Bells whistle (which they played at my work). Coincidentally the person who is pro-Kombucha also introduced me to Broken Bells. Strangely compelling…

Overall as Tony the Tiger says, ::crickets chirping:: Tony the Tigers dead. He is not saying anything. I will attest to the value of kombucha. Good product. I may be investing more into it in the near future.

On a sidenote:

I feel like there is not enough funny material in this post. Here, this should help.

Not helping? Can’t say I did not try. You could say that I did not try hard enough, but shh…on that one.

The Elderly Transformation

The old gray mare she aint what she used to be. Many long years ago.

Or maybe she is? I don’t know. It’s a horse. Let me get some Elmer’s for my artwork and let’s be done with it.

I ought to have said old gray people aint what they use to be. Why you may say? Let me count the ways.

  • Speed – I have noticed that old people have two speeds. They are either a tortoise or a hare. There is no casual acceleration. The bearing’s in which this occurs most frequently is on the road. There are old people driving 25 MPH in a 50 MPH zone. Yes, I know you may have driven a Model T and are use to the 25-30 MPH speed, but see that number “50” on the speedometer, it’s okay to push your Buick to those blazing speeds.  I feel like Flash each time I pass one of them on the road. I have super power abilities!…Dang, it is just an old person. Oh fecal matter! And no I am not talking about your colostomy bag sir. Then there are those old people speedsters. The ones that make me look like a chump for going 80 in a 65 when they are charging forth at 90-plus. These are daredevils. No, not like the blind superhero, more so the risk-taker variety. It could be that, or that they fell asleep at the wheel. Nap-time down the stretch. Or they could be trying to match their speed with their age. Not sure, but they are swift and hazardous.
  • Patience – Old people seem to lack patience. I noticed this in my retail experience. They are complacent with counting out their $4.56 worth of pennies, but when it comes to me doing my portion of the work, they will not stand for it. Quite literally, I have had to get chairs before. I have put some thought into it and I cannot fathom why they are so impatient. At eighty-two, where do you have to be? A doctor’s appointment? I know they have limited time, but come on, what else are they actually going to accomplish? Is that blood test the highlight of their day?
  • Eye sight – Eye sight fades. Look at me for example, I never had much of it to begin with. So I am sympathetic to their loss. Others do not share my compassionate ways. I have a friend who often thinks old guys are looking at her. A week or two ago we met up and she stated the same case. Two old guys were staring at her. Rightfully so, I bet all guys look at her. Modest in her clothing, but worth a double-take. So why is it that she only notices old guys? It is not because they are perverts. It just takes longer for their eyes to focus. They are not as quick as the young whippersnappers.

 

Once normal people, they have now transformed into old people, the last stage of life. What are you going to do? It’s the elderly transformation.

Original Facebook Status Update:

You always catch old guys checking out girls. It’s not because they are more perverted, it’s because their eyes need more time to focus. Give a guy a break.

Work It Out!

My exercising is one of those activities that has shriveled away and died. Well, only my cardio has become non-existent. But then there is the whole, I don’t know what I am doing and I am just hoping for results, thing. So I am reaching out for some help. Yes, I know I could do the research and make a concrete assessment, but why bother when I know someone will supply the information?

I have been having an interpersonal debate with myself on what exercise program I should try. I have never done an exercise program. I believe the only exercise video I have ever seen is an old VHS of Sweating to the oldies with Richard Simmons. Advanced stuff. What I have been contemplating is which program would work best for me and what I want to accomplish. I want to lose my love handles and fat around my stomach and waist and improve overall muscle mass. I am currently about 5’9 – 5’10 and weigh 145. I just want to use the exchange rate and sell my fat for muscle. A few hawks told me that P90X was legit if you keep with the program. I have seen their results, and some are staggering. I recently heard from a few vultures that Insanity is also a good program. But I heard that it is cardio intensive, and I am not a giant fan of pure cardio. It could be the death of me…Damn vultures.

(Yeah, I do not just say a “bird told me”, I get descriptive; because what if it was a pigeon. Would you take it seriously?)

The pricing for these programs is outrageous though. Dropping a little more than a Benjamin on DVD’s seems ridiculous, but if it produces results, I am all about it. (I like to mix my bills up sometimes. Drop some Jacksons for the most part with a few Hamilton’s because I like my front and back covered. (Double parenthesis, let’s take it up a notch. (The Hamilton joke is a little complex, if you look at all the presidents on currency, Hamilton is facing the opposite direction.) It’s like Inception, slowly coming out of the different stages of dreaming, or parenthesis.) It’s not always about the Benjamins.)

I am siding with P90X right now. If you have any take on P90X, Insanity, or any other fitness program that has worked Cave of Wonders-like magic for you, let me know!

The Right Way?

Yesterday was my day off from work, but it was not my day off from thinking. Unlike milk, too much thinking does not do a body good.

A major change is upon me and I am experiencing second thoughts. I am doing what I feel is economically and educationally the right decision, but it is not justified in every category. There are important aspects of my life that may dissolve. I do not know if I am ready for the consequences of my actions.  This is a life-altering choice and I need it to be the right one. I hope it is the right one.

I already feel as if I have lost something, and the change has not quite come to fruition. I do not know if I will ever be able to regain what it is that I lost. It is just…tough.

This change has caused me angst and pain. I feel that it is the best decision for me, but is it?

This is one question I have no answer for.