Rumbling in my Tumbling

Every morning I wake up…That’s a lie. Let’s try again. The times I wake up and it is still morning, I can guarantee that my stomach will want to have a long conversation. I can never quite understand its mumbling idioms and its volume fluctuations. All I know is that when I eat, I silence the beast. Maybe the language of the stomach has a motley spectrum of phrases that all stem from, “FEED ME!”

People usually hate their stomachs because they have difficulty controlling their eating habits, they hate its appearance, or it gives them stomach aches; I hate mine for growling, nay, roaring. It can make any canine cower and whimper. It can make a thunderstorm appear mild in comparison. It can make a G6 sound like a G4 (Which means it is quiet. Almost like a TV channel nobody watches). I may not be as fly as a G6, but my stomach can be as loud as one.

It is an attentive alarm that keeps my food schedule on course. I have learned to pack snacks just to appease it throughout the day. There is nothing worse than being in a peaceful environment and having your stomach start acting a fool. This has happened on more than twenty-seven occasions. I have learned to battle the growls with stomach tightening techniques. I am not sure how effective this is, but I still make the attempt. I’m like a Jedi trying to work my mind tricks on the dark side of the force. Like a Qui-Gon Ginn taking on Darth Maul…It never ends well.

One time I was standing in line at a clothing store. My stomach began to act up. Everyone within its radius turned and gave me appalling stares. I wanted to growl in unison with my stomach. You know, get animalistic, but I did not. I really just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. When it was my turn, I placed my item on the counter. I was buying a cardigan. He totaled out my purchase and I swiped my card. I proceeded to believe my card transaction cleared when the cashier said, “Would you please just swipe your card again?” I responded, “Really?” He nodded. I thought, hm, if you insist. I picked up my cardigan and walked out. As I walked out I was tackled to the floor by the security (Mall Cops). But…the cashier said I could swipe my cardigan. My stomach made another growl. I received that same disgusted look. I said aloud, “You are making my stomach angry…And you won’t like it when its angry.”

End Note: Okay, so that last story is completely fabricated. I don’t own a cardigan. I just wanted to make the joke, but I needed to make it fit in the blog. It fell flat, I know. I will admit it, but I will not omit it.


About Titillating Thoughts

I am called Kenny. I respond to it. I am twenty-three years of age. This blog will represent my unique way of looking at life. It is to be a collection of thoughts that titillate your brain flaps. I am not always politically correct, but it all comes from a comedic nature. I hope you enjoy my dry and sarcastic humor.

Posted on May 2, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 16 Comments.

  1. It was a funny cardigan joke. As far as cardigan jokes go, it’s probably one of the best I have heard/read. Of course, I don’t hear/read many cardigan jokes.

  2. The cardnigan joke was quite funny lol && the stomach growling when its quiet is something I encounter, so I always have a snack on me also to please it haha

  3. jungleintherumble

    haha, enjoyed your article man

  4. My tummy talks! With the sound recorder on iPhone, hold microphone on my tum & record the noises. Growls!

  5. The card-again joke’s so not funny it’s funny! Haha! 😀

  6. You, as one of my followers, are cordially invited to my darker and a little more personal blog:

  7. Is it your drawing of the angry empty stomach? I like it! Would not it be a real fun if our stomachs, instead of growling, would just indeed communicate out loud like this: ‘Feed me! Hey, You! Yes – You, go eat something already!’ or ‘ If you won’t feed me right away, I’m gonna sue you!” – then people would be more understanding of the seriousness of the unfolding situation:).

  1. Pingback: Find a Way to Feed | Working Joe's Wellness

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