A Day in the Life of Me

I usually do not blog about my day. They tend to be mundane if absent from the mind spin I place on it, but today had some peculiar junctures that I would like to inject into my blog of junk. So let’s begin the walk-through.

9:00 A.M. – I wake up

10:37 A.M. – Landlady comes over for an inspection of our house. Interesting to say the least, well, and the most.

12:42 P.M. – I go outside to make a call.

Now usually I do not leave the house to make phone calls, but my cell phone reception was not only 0 bars, but there were negative bars. So I went outside for a quick five minute phone call. After I had completed my call I returned to the door I refer to as front and found that it had been locked. “Not a big deal…” I thought to myself. Two of my roommates were home; surely one of them would let me in. I proceeded to knock on the door and ring the doorbell. No response. I called one roommate. No response. I called the other roommate. No response. I tried knocking and ringing the doorbell again. No response. In a scenario like this, one would think that my roommates were having a little fun and locking me out as a joke. I would have accepted that, but it was not the case. After about ten minutes of standing outside one roommate finally opens the door. He yells back inside the house, “Dude, it’s Kenny! Quit tripping balls!” Apparently my other roommate is so paranoid that he believed someone was trying to break into the house at noon and thought ringing the doorbells and knocking on doors was a surefire way of burglary. Come on now! This twenty-something year old guy runs up stairs and disturbs my other roommate, who was taking a shower, and tells him he thinks someone is trying to break in and that he should go check it out. Wow. I was amazed. I have been suspicious about his activity, but now even more so due to his paranoia. If I was an Australian forum blogger I would be saying: W-T-F mate!

2:43 P.M. – I go for a run. I make sure to bring my keys.

4:16 P.M. – I get ready for work.

5:00 P.M. – I am at work.

Let me stop right here and just say something. I work in retail. As a cashier I see people sign off on their purchase. Old people are the worst at this. For some reason they believe when a purchase requires a signature that it is a calligraphy competition. What should be a quick drag on a sig (cig), turns into a whole flipping carton. (Aww. Wordplay. I love it. Gets me going. Better yet, foreword play.) Old people take forever to sign their name and when they are done, they tell me that the machine makes their signature all scribbly and that it is hard to read. First of all, you are old. If I gave you the best pen and paper your signature would still look like vital monitor during a seizure. Let’s face it. The only time you will have the ability to produce a straight line is when you flat line.

8:53 P.M. – I go outside to collect carts.

I hate cart runs with a passion. I can’t wait until I never have to do them again, and that day is quickly upon us. In the meantime, I am forced into the position of cart-getter and so I do it. Today, as I was getting carts, I was approached by a man. This man walked a good three hundred feet to reach me. He was a bald man with a lazy eye and he asked me, “Do you know which way is up?” I responded, “Yes.” He then proceeded to ask the question again; and I said yes. His face was as straight as can be and he did not seem like he was joking. I also possess an exceptional straight face and kept it during this conversation. He then pointed to some ladies walking into the store and asked me if maybe they knew what direction was up. As I stood there staring at him. He turned around and walked back to his car (which was a normal looking car) and drove off. Now I wish these situations would happen when I am not working and free to say as I please.

“Do you know which way is up?”

No, sorry. Ask the Jefferson’s. I heard they moved on it.

“Do you know which way is up?”

It is the way your right eye is pointing right now.

“Do you know which way is up?”

I think you should just focus on which way is forward for right now.

It was a weird conversation. I am still not sure what he wanted, or what response he was hoping to achieve, but apparently I did not answer the question in the detail that he wanted it answered.

9:33 P.M. – Off of work.

11:52 P.M. – Writing this blog.