Forgetful Shoes

Another day; another blog. That kind of insinuates that I write blogs everyday, which I do not. This is not to say that I could not, but that I have not, will not, and do not. With all these (k)nots, something must be congested. (Side Note: Wordplay can be hard to use via text.) The assumption is correct. I am congested. Congested with ideas. So let me cough up some phlegm and spread some germs.

I recently bought a pair of TOMS shoes. If you are unaware of TOMS policy it is “One for one.” Meaning that for every pair of shoes I buy they will give an Ethiopian child a pair of shoes. It is a good policy, and one that tempted me into buying TOMS. People may wonder what one pair of shoes for one child is going to do. Well, it is not just helping one child. Due to the high death rate, those shoes will be passed to another kid in six months. Which makes me question if they would be a hand-me-down…or a give-me-up? A bit morbid, but these jokes are deadly.

When I was ordering my TOMS I also looked at the return policy. It stated that if the shoes were the wrong size or I did not find them compelling in any fashion (pun intended) then I would be allowed to return or exchange. This is a standard policy, but then I started thinking what if I bought TOMS, did not like them and returned them. Does TOMS go to poor little Kelile and say, “Hey, I know we just bettered your life with a new pair of shoes and all, but the person who gave you these shoes, returned theirs. So we are going to need the shoes back. This is not just a ‘for one’ type deal.”

I am using innocent victims who have no kismet to respond to this blog. The sad thing is, even if they were connected to the internet via magic; they still would not read my blog. So I take comfort in knowing that I am hating on them consciously, while they are hating on me subconsciously. It works.

The people I do not hate on are those with Alzheimer’s. While relatives and friends may be frustrated from their loved ones lack of memory, I revel in it. Being the wannabe comedian that I am, I love when people laugh at my jokes. Sometimes it is problematic to develop new material. Nobody wants to hear the same joke twice. That is not true for Alzheimer patients. The joke is just as funny the twenty-eighth time as it was the first. All you need is one funny joke. Unlike your audience, it never gets old. You aren’t a joke-teller, tell a story. Not a storyteller, tell an interesting fact. Not a fun-fact person…really? You do not have ONE fun fact? Want to know a fun fact? There is a significant chance of you getting some form of dementia. So there is a significant chance I may be telling you this fun fact for a long time.


I could smoothly segue into a new idea. I prefer to do it jaggedly.

I have dabbled in retail for awhile. Store standards are always set on having everything faced and shelved appropriately so that there is no glaring lacuna. Being the marketing connoisseur that I am I have noticed many people spend a preponderant amount of time looking down at the ground. My idea consists of creating a store that markets to this idea. Everything is going to be on the floor. It works for Ross and Wal-Mart and theirs is not even deliberate. The store will be a shoe and clothing store. It will be called Shoegazers. To add a bit of wit, the store will only play shoegazing music. M83 anyone? This idea is money. If implemented, I will own the sky. Catch the reference? I know someone did.


About Titillating Thoughts

I am called Kenny. I respond to it. I am twenty-three years of age. This blog will represent my unique way of looking at life. It is to be a collection of thoughts that titillate your brain flaps. I am not always politically correct, but it all comes from a comedic nature. I hope you enjoy my dry and sarcastic humor.

Posted on January 25, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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