Keepin’ It Stale

I have been glancing at my blog lately and noticed that the content has gone superfluously stale. I considered adding fresh content to make people content, but the stale has been STALEBLE. Buh-dun-dun. I have such a good thing going with what has been produced in the last few months, I cannot bring myself to change course. So I won’t.

Am I the only one who likes stale food?

Occasionally I get in the mood for popcorn. If you know me, you know that popcorn is not going to be popped into these chops except on a situational basis. That situation lends itself to me popping popcorn, opening the bag, and letting it succumb to the nature of air. Yes, that is right. I will wait for popcorn to go stale. I will leave that buttery bag on the counter and then return to its kernel goodness a day later. Unfortunately, the market for stale popcorn is none. It is a zilch-niche. Which is probably also the last name of a  Polish man who is unrelated to popcorn and this conversation in every way but one.

Popcorn

Popcorn isn’t the only substance that I prefer stale. Ever listen to Doug E. Stale, that guys got jams for days. They’re continuous, monotonous, and quite honestly overused riffs and beats, but if that’s your bag then let me fill it with goodies.

Other items…

Tortilla chips. Expose that bag of Tostitos to the air and they are so much more enjoyable. The crisp crunch is overrated. Let your mouth take a journey on a nice cushioned hay-stale ride.

Rice cakes. It disappoints me to bite into a fresh rice cake. Sometimes I visit store and poke holes in the bags just so I know that when I come back later to purchase them, they will be at an edible state. Some say not to tamper with food. Sheesh, so sorry for improving the product.

Cheetos (Puff variety). These do not last long regardless, so it is difficult to obtain stale cheetos, but on the rare occasions that I do they are scrumdeliciouso!

There is a plethora of items that are better stale, but there is one item that I am assiduously against.

Peanuts.

I had a bag of peanuts once and was not privy to the fact that they have a maturation date. When I cracked open then shell and ate the peanuts I was awakened to the idea that not everything tastes good stale. It was like eating a rubber ball, but without the fun of being able play with it and have it bounce in some insidiously wrong direction.

Why don’t bouncy balls ever bounce your way? It’s like they are programmed to find crevices and escape your grasp, therefore forcing you to buy a new rubber ball. Aw. Nice strategy bouncy ball makers.

Nevertheless the point being in this tango of tangents is that stale can fail, but it often prevails.

And in the words of Forrest Gump, that’s all I have to say about that.

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About Titillating Thoughts

I am called Kenny. I respond to it. I am twenty-three years of age. This blog will represent my unique way of looking at life. It is to be a collection of thoughts that titillate your brain flaps. I am not always politically correct, but it all comes from a comedic nature. I hope you enjoy my dry and sarcastic humor.

Posted on October 13, 2013, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. They should just market stale popcorn! There are those of us who can not wait for stale popcorn to become stale! I love stale popcorn, the butterier the better. However stale peanuts might be marketable…put them in the quarter machine and you have “half” bouncy balls…the kid has to pay an extra quarter to get the other half. Just a thought.;) ha ha ha! Glad I am not the only one who loves the stale snack…everyone else thought I was crazy! Great post! :)

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