Is This The Real Life…Is This Just Fantasy?

Simpson beer

As a young tike, I remember watching The Simpsons. I was always intrigued when Homer would stroll into Moe’s Tavern and order a beer. Moe would grab an icy mug and fill it up with Homer’s favorite Duff beer. The head of the beer flowing over the rim of the mug; exuding a succulent presentation. It always made Homer content to be downing the cold beverage. The foamy goodness of the beer head reminded me of the sugary texture of cotton candy (or “fairy floss” if you are from down under). I yearned for an opportunity to drown my taste buds in it. When the day arrived on my, ahem, TWENTY-FIRST BIRTHDAY, ahem, I ordered a Newcastle Brown Ale at a local pub. The beer had a good head on it, and all my childhood memories of the Simpsons flooded my mind. I lifted the glass to my lips, feeling the condensation of the glass on the palm of my hand and the droplets of fizzled beer splashing about.  I tilted my head back and took a big gulp.

Yucky. Yeah, men say yucky.

My dream fell into ruins. It turns out that receiving head is not superlative in all scenarios. In fact, beer head is actually the worst part of a beer. Do I blame The Simpsons for such a travesty? No. I blame A&W Root Beer. The frothy foam that I indulged in as a child did not transcend with the alcoholic beverage. Damn you A&W…But four or five more of these Newcastles and I’ll forgive you.

This may be more common than not. I build up an experience in my mind and when it does not translate into reality, disappointment ensues. To list a few of my other disappointing sights to mouth translations:

Hunny

  • Winnie the Pooh’s “Hunny” vs. Honey

When I was five or six, I use to go over to my cousins house and play in the backyard. There was a shelf attached to one of the fences in the backyard, and on it rested a pot quite similar to that of Winnie the Pooh’s. I remember we tried a bunch of acrobatic circus-foolery in order to achieve the pot. After a few years went by, our height improved, our acrobatics did not, but we were able to reach the “Hunny” pot. We opened it up, and it was just an unused planter pot. I mean, we should have known. It didn’t say “Hunny”, and what were we expecting to find from a pot that had been left outside for two to three years to brace the weather? I don’t know. What I do know, is that when I finally did get a good look at honey, it looked nothing like the scrumpdeliciousness that Winnie the Pooh coveted. I felt like Eeyore; hope for the world had ceased to be.

TMNT Pizza

  •     Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Pizza vs. Pizza

Okay. I do not have much to say on this one. Pizza is pizza, and it is exquisite, but I am still searching for the pizza that pranced around in my dreams. I imagine someone who makes that sloppy-cheesy-yums-the-word pizza, could open up a pizza store called “Cowabunga!” I’d go there…frequently.

 Barney

  • Barney Birthday Cake vs. Cake

This one is the most obscure of all the ones mentioned. I use to own a videotape of Barney’s birthday. It was a colorful VHS tape. Purple or orange…It doesn’t matter. What matters, is that they made a layered cake on the video. While, I know the kids did not smooth it out to perfection as it was shown in the video, the cake still looked delicious. Since then, I have seen better cakes. Cake Boss anyone? Buddy is amazing. But still…The the cake in that video is burned into my head and was another item that I searched for as a child.

I can’t be the only one who would love a Simpson beer and Ninja turtle pizza followed by a Barney cake with “Hunny” filling for dessert.

Do you have food or other items that you are still searching for from your favorite shows?

About Titillating Thoughts

I am called Kenny. I respond to it. I am twenty-three years of age. This blog will represent my unique way of looking at life. It is to be a collection of thoughts that titillate your brain flaps. I am not always politically correct, but it all comes from a comedic nature. I hope you enjoy my dry and sarcastic humor.

Posted on July 17, 2013, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.

  1. Totally agree on the first three. I’ve always said that about Duff beer. They make it seem like it’s so sweet and delicious. It’s a little bit different, but Chuck E. Cheese along with TMNT added to a pizza taste in my head.

    What about any fruits and vegetables? Especially vegetables. TV made those seem edible when they clearly are not.

    • I would gobble up that tomato in Veggie Tales.

      I know what you mean. Everything looks better on TV. Well, I saw myself on TV once. The same was not true.

      • My grandma used to say “The camera adds 10 pounds. I saw myself on TV and there must have been 4 camera on me!” She’s dead now. No. She’s alive. She never said that either. My face is too pale for TV.

      • I like that you used quotation marks to quote something your grandma never said.

        I share in the paleness factor. I’m mostly used as a reflector, to help guide the light.

  2. For me it was coffee. My family was a tea family but the art direction of those cups of coffee in the Foldgers commercials really made it look like it WOULD be the best part of waking up! And I discovered in real life that it smelled amazing, too. I finally go my chance to try it in about grade 8. Bitter disapointment… and I really mean bitter. YUCKY! To this day I have not developed a taste for coffee, unless it is full of alcohol and sugar and topped off with whipped cream… even then, I would rather pass. I don’t even like Coffee Crisp chocolate bars!

    • I cannot say I remember too many Foldgers commercials that I hold fondly in my mind.

      I do agree that is smells good though. As for the alcoholic coffee drink. I would just tell them to be light on the coffee and heavy on the alcohol. Don’t be stingy with the Kahlua.

  3. this is hilarious. you should try to make a cake/pizza/honey jar than the ones in the picture. i’m always cooking up absurd schemes, maybe i’ll do it? you might have just presented the perfect challenge…

    • A cake, pizza, honey jar? I’ll leave that project to you. I would have trouble with any of it on a solo basis. Combining them would only worsen the situation. Ha.

      Thanks for strolling through. Let me know how that jar of madness goes.

  4. Awesome……..Just Awesome Share.I love it.Looking forward for more.Alex,Thanks.

  5. Nope…Well, water. Can’t go wrong with water.

  1. Pingback: Reading Digest: Family guy Crossover Edition | Dead Homer Society

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